Sloppy Kisses and Doggy Bones
by Jenny Max
Summary: A little argument with a hard-core believer of ghosts and spirits leaves Edward trapped in a dog's body. It couldn't get any worse, can it? Apparently, it can.
1. So It Begins With A Smart Remark

His grunts and struggles were useless as he tried - and failed - to free himself from the restraints holding him down against the concrete floor. The sizable lump hiding under his blond bangs was throbbing, one of his golden eyes was partially closed and swollen, and blood caked his long red coat and his black clothes underneath. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to attempt to intimidate the shopkeeper, and a strong one at that.

And now here Edward lay, in the basement of the new bookstore in Central, with his arms bound tight with chains to prevent him from doing any alchemy, and his pounding headache wasn't making the situation any better.

"May I ask again, Mr. Elric, what your beliefs on the afterlife are?" the burly and balding man asked as he circled the State Alchemist.

Edward snorted. "And you still are asking me? For the five millionth time, none of that magical spirit stuff exists." A kick in the side caused him to grunt.

"Never deny the existence of the spirits of the dead, Elric," the man said with a growl.

Edward just rolled his eyes. _Great. A visit to a new bookstore leaves me in the mercy of some psychotic moron. Great way to start your day, Edward._

"Well, Mr. Medium," Ed said with a smirk, "can you prove that these "ghosts" of yours exist?"

"Exactly what I was going to do, Mr. Elric. Right, Drudwyn?" There was a yap in reply and Edward spotted what looked like a four-month-old puppy off to the side. From what he saw, it looked like a cross between a golden retriever and another type of dog he couldn't put his finger on.

Ed grimaced. "What kind of a name is "Drudwyn"?" he said without thinking. The comment earned him another kick in the side. "Agh! Dammit, enough with the kicking already!"

"First you insult me, then you insult my dog." The man spat at the teen, the glob of saliva missing his face by inches. "I'll make sure the spirits give you no mercy." He knelt down and placed his hands on the ground not too far from Edward's feet, and in a flash of light a transmutation array appeared.

Edward gulped when he realized that he was in the middle of the intricate circle. "A-Alright, let's not get hasty now."

The man let out a laugh. "Ha! Me, hasty? Perhaps you should have thought that before you started mouthing off, Mr. Elric. Being a military dog doesn't make you invincible, right, Drudwyn?" Another high-pitched bark replied to the man's question.

If Ed wasn't starting to panic, he would've said something smart about him and his dog, but at this point he was currently occupied with trying to get himself out of this mess. He remembered most of Mustang's remarks about how all the trouble he gets himself into would soon bite him in the butt, and apparently, the Colonel was true to his words. _Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit…_

"What are you planning on doing, exactly?" Ed asked hesitantly. The circle seemed somewhat familiar, but all the different geometric shapes and angles and…was that latin?…that made up the circle blocked his memory from focusing.

Mr. Crazy let out a small chuckle and held his arm out to the bookshelves full of dusty books. "You see all those books? They are all on the supernatural. Notes of the afterlife, ghost sightings, the research of scientists who have studied the spirits of the dead…" The man smiled, this time with pride.

Edward just sighed out of his nose. _What a load of whackjobs._ "Well, now, it's nice to know that you are proud of all of these people, but can we talk this out? I kinda have a brother who is most likely wondering where I am and a commanding officer I need to report to before--"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, dear Mr. Elric," the man cut him off, his grey eyes narrowed and piercing into Edward's golden orbs. "Because of your incompetence towards my beliefs, I'll have to have our fellow spirits have a…personal talk with you." Once more his fingers rested on the floor, this time on the edge of the large circle.

Something seemed to click on in Ed's head. "You're attempting human transmutation, aren't you?" He couldn't help but reveal a bit of panic in his voice.

"I suppose you can say that." He motioned towards an open book on a table behind him. "In these books, there are different circles that are involved with the spirits, and this one I have you on is one I have been wanting to experiment with for a while. I've wondered what it would be like to forcefully separate a human soul from their body."

Edward's eyes widened and he struggled in the chains he was bound in. "Dammit, don't! I'm a State Alchemist, dammit, you shouldn't be doing this! It's against the laws of Alchemy!"

"Oh, really, Mr. Elric?" The man raised an eyebrow with a confident smirk in his face as he motioned towards where Edward's prosthetic arm and leg are. "That didn't seem to stop you, now, did it?" Ed's eyes widened as the man pressed his palms against the ground, causing the circle to glow.

At that moment, the sound of a door opening and a bell chiming came from upstairs and a familiar voice called, "Brother? Are you in here?"

Ed twisted his head so that he was facing the stairs. "Al?! Alphonse! I'm down here! Al!"

Meanwhile, little Drudwyn barked in excitement by the stranger who entered their shop and ran towards his master, his little pink tongue hanging out of his smiling mouth. The man, meanwhile, yelled at the dog to stop, but it was too late, and once the circle's function was initiated, the golden retriever mutt was at Edward's side, stunned by the sudden white light that blinded the puppy's golden brown eyes.

A startled and frightened yell came out of Ed's throat as he, too, was surrounded by the white light, and the feeling of being tugged out of his body caused him to struggle to try to keep himself together. He began to see weird shapes in front of his eyes, and he hoped that it was just the light playing tricks with him, but he shuddered when he thought he saw human faces. That, combined with the feeling of being split in two and his headache that quickly escalated into a blinding migraine, caused his eyes roll to the back of his head and the world to turn black.

---

"_What? What do you mean my brother isn't here? I thought I heard him calling my name…"_

"_I'm sorry, sir, but I haven't seen him since he was off some time ago. That must've been my radio you heard. Sometimes I go downstairs and listen to it since I don't really get many customers here."_

"_Oh…but I could've sworn…he said that he'd meet me down the street when he was done looking around…"_

"_Well, he must've gotten distracted on his way to see you, Mr. Alphonse. He seems like the type of boy who gets easily intrigued by…interesting subjects."_

"_Yeah…you may be right…"_

_Al…is that you…? Alphonse, where are you…_

A pair of bright golden eyes opened lazily, only to shut again when his eyes met blinding sunlight.

"Well, you don't mind if I stay here, do you, sir? My brother might return for something or...something…"

"Of course, Mr. Alphonse, but I doubt that he would return. He seemed to be in a hurry when he left."

Those eyes snapped open and his head lifted. Edward blinked a few times to get the fogginess from his eyesight, and as soon as he realized that he wasn't in the dark and smelly basement, he attempted to get up, only to stumble and fall onto his side.

_What in the world…?_

"Drudwyn!" Edward looked up and grimaced when he was looking eye-to-eye with the crazy shopkeeper. "You're awake now, that's good."

_Drudwyn? What the hell…I'm not Drudwyn, you asshole! I oughta…_

Ed was surprised to hear whines and barks come out of his mouth instead of words. He tried saying something, but once more a bark came out.

"Was there something wrong with him, sir?" He looked to where the voice was coming from and, seeing that it was a familiar suit of armor, he jumped to his feet…only to fall over when he attempted to stand upright. With a very doglike "umpf!" he was sprawled on the ground once more.

"Oh, he just had a little accident a short time ago and he hit his head. Isn't that right, my little Drudwyn puppy?"

_Puppy? Puppy?! What did you do, you crazy psychopathic bastard?!_ Edward growled and snapped at the outstretched hand, which was pulled back sharply.

"Drudwyn! Down boy!"

_Alphonse! I'm not Drudwyn!_ Ed's sorry attempt at trying to talk to his younger brother failed, and he stumbled towards the suit of armor, half trying to walk on two legs and half trying to walk on fours. _Al! It's me, Edward! That guy's crazy, don't trust him! He just tried human transmutation! He…_The teen looked down and saw a pair of furry arms, and, twisting his head around, saw that he was looking at the body of a dog. _He…turned me into a dog…_

"Drudwyn, down boy." Ed let out a surprised squeal as he felt his neck get jerked backwards. It turned out that a roped was tied around his neck as a substitute for a collar, and the rope was tied to the chair that the man was sitting on. "Don't go giving him a hard time." Ed gave the much bigger man an angry scowl, and realization dawned on the shopkeeper's face. "Mr. Alphonse, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that I have to ask you to leave."

"What? Why?" Ed barked in unison with Al's questions, and the shopkeeper shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but I just realized that…I'm closing early. I have some duties I need to get around to."

_Alphonse, don't listen to him! It's me, Edward! God dammit, Al, help me! He--_

"Drudwyn!" A whine came from Ed as he was kicked in the side. It wasn't hard, but it still hurt.

Alphonse looked down at "Drudwyn," and for some reason he felt like the little puppy's eyes made him think of his brother. "Well, okay. I'll come by later, though, to see if my brother's been back--"

There was a sudden rapping at the wooden door behind the sales counter and what sounded like a human's attempt at imitating a whining dog could be heard. Alphonse and Edward jumped while the man's eyes widened.

"No, don't open that!" Al didn't listen to his outburst, though, and stepped over Edward to open the door. A blond boy dressed in red and black came tumbling out. By the looks of it, he was beaten up some with his swollen eye and the bump that could be seen on his forehead.

"Edward!" Alphonse immediately kneeled down. "Brother, are you okay?" A whine came out of the body. He pushed himself onto his elbows and looked up, his more-golden-than-brown eyes looking sorrowfully into Al's red ones.

The shopkeeper stuttered. "Uh, uh, Mr. Elric! What are you doing here?" He let out a nervous laugh as he felt Al's angered gaze on him.

"Sir, what did you do to my brother?"

"I-I…you see, that's a very funny story!"

Ed's body let out another whine and attempted to crawl towards the shopkeeper, only to be scooped up into the armor's arms. "What did you do to him?" he demanded again, and his attention turned to the struggling boy in his arms. "Edward, what did he do to you?"

A few barks and another whine came from "Edward."

_That's not me, Alphonse!_ Edward attempted to talk to his brother again, but it didn't work. _Al, I'm Edward! That's Drudwyn! He switched our bodies! Alphonse! Alphonse, lookit me!_

But the armor was too preoccupied with fussing with Ed's body and trying to demand answers from the panicked shopkeeper.

* * *

**Heya guys, and what's up. Jen here again with another crazy fic idea of hers. I'm sure that there are fics out there that have Edward turning into some animal of some sort, but I'm too lazy to look for them, and this idea has been stuck in my head for a couple days.**

**Yes, I realize that I have two other fics and yes, I need to update them, but because I'm lazy, it's going to be a while until I update them and this one.**

**Please leave a review and tell me what you think! And don't be afraid to tell me about any mistakes or anything I need to work on. It'll just help me become a better writer. :3**


	2. Perhaps It Ain't That Bad

Edward let out a whine as his little doggy stomach growled. His eyes strayed to the ceramic bowl of doggy kibbles that was left out for him and he stuck out his tongue in disgust.

The military policeman who had come by earlier said that he would return to retrieve the Golden Retriever-mix puppy later. It had been six hours.

Almost immediately after the dog-turned-human was discovered and the suit of armor started to practically yell at the shopkeeper about why his brother was acting like a dog, a blue-clad military policeman had stopped by to check up on what the ruckus was about. Alphonse pointed a finger at the shopkeeper (which he rarely did to anyone) and explained that he "found poor Brother beat up and barking like a dog. That man did something to make Brother crazy, do something to him!" The shopkeeper was then apprehended, Alphonse followed with a yapping, whining Edward body, and doggy-Edward was left behind and forgotten. _Damn._

Ed's stomach growled angrily and he shuddered. Because of the shorter daylight hours of late November, it was getting darker in the shop which only made him want to get out sooner, and he would if it weren't for the fact that he was still tied to the chair, and it was one hell of a heavy chair. Even when he practically ran, he was still jerked backward, and to add on to his hunger, his neck felt very sore. Not just that, but he was cold. Hungry, sore, and cold. Wasn't he one lucky puppy?

"_What did I do to deserve this?"_ he groaned, scooting himself closer to the food bowl. He peered in and grimaced, not wanting to eat something that he considered not edible. His hunger got the better of him, though, and he gingerly stuck his snout into the little brown pebbles, trying his best to ignore the putrid scent his sensitive nose was picking up.

He gagged and let the food fall off his tongue before he even closed his mouth. He practically dunked his head into the water bowl and tried to get the gross flavor off his taste buds.

"_How the hell do dogs eat this crap?!"_ he exclaimed as he nearly choked on the water. It looked like he would have to work on the lapping process before he ends up drowning himself while trying to get a drink of water. Damn dogs.

He stared at his water bowl, watching the water droplets drip off his muzzle and into the water, and an idea clicked on in his head. He knocked the water bowl over and rolled in the spilled liquid until his head was soaked and began to pull against the rope. His head didn't budge, just like his earlier attempts, but soon it began to slip through the rough twine and, with a grunt and a final pull, his head slipped through the noose and he rolled backward rather comically and flopped belly-down on the rust-colored carpeting. It was a little while until the room stopped spinning, and he couldn't help but let out a laugh, which sounded more like wheezing. His Edward-intellect had gotten him out, and he'll now be able to find his brother and that bastard of a shopkeeper that got him stuck in the way he was.

Edward realized, though, that he still had one more obstacle: the door.

---

"Elysia, Honey, don't stray off too far, it's getting dark!"

"Okay, Mommy!" A giggle came out of the little green-eyed girl as she jumped into a pile of slush on the edge of the sidewalk.

"Elysia, Darling, don't do that, you'll get all dirty." The girl's mother extended a hand out, which the four-year-old grabbed eagerly.

"Okay, Mommy, I'm sorry." Elysia flashed a winning grin to her mother, who smiled back.

Gracia Hughes was on her way home from visiting a friend's house, and while she had planned on leaving earlier before sundown, little Elysia had plans of playing with her mother's friend's new puppy. After leaving, she kept on begging for a puppy of their own who she could call Rosie. With Gracia being a mother like many others, she told the little girl that they couldn't because of a few listed reasons. "Perhaps when you grow a little older," she had said, and this quieted Elysia for a while.

"Mommy, look! It's a puppy!" Elysia pointed at the glass door of a bookstore across the street. Gracia's grip on her daughter's hand tightened.

"Don't run across the street, Honey," she warned when the girl began to step off the sidewalk.

"But, Mommy, look." Elysia gave her a sad look. "The puppy wants out. He looks lonely." Gracia looked in the direction of the pointing finger and saw the little golden-colored puppy, his mouth opening to release silent whines and barks and standing upright in order to paw and scratch at the glass door.

Gracia let out a sigh and looked down at the girl. As much as the mother wanted to say "No," she simply cannot to those wide begging green eyes. "Okay, perhaps we can just go see the puppy dog."

Elysia's pout immediately broke into a smile and Gracia had to practically keep a death grip on her wrist to prevent her from dashing across the street.

"Hello, Puppy," the little four-year-old cooed as she crouched in front of the door and placed a hand onto the window. She giggled as she heard a muffled bark and the dog pawed at where her flesh was pressed flat. "Mommy, I think the puppy wants out."

"But he's not your puppy, Sweetie, so you can't." Gracia crouched down next to her and peeked into the store. "But it does look like no one's been inside for a while…" She saw the mess of the water all over the floor and how the dog's fur around his face and neck was ruffled from freeing himself from the makeshift rope-collar.

"So, we have to let him out!" Before Gracia could say or do anything, Elysia jumped to her feet and pulled the door handle downwards with the door swinging open. Immediately, the dog dashed out, only to trip over his own feet and fall flat on his face in the slush. Elysia immediately was at the dog's side and fussing over the now-soaked puppy. "Mommy! I think the puppy hurt himself! Can we bring him home?"

"Elysia, he's not our puppy, we can't bring him home." Gracia again was at Elysia's side.

The puppy began to paw at the girl's leg and whined a little bit.

"Mommy, he's trying say that he wants to go with us! Can we _please_ bring him home? Please?"

Gracia sighed and shook her head. When she looked at the dog, she locked gazes with his large golden eyes, and somehow, someway, she was able to tell the puppy, indeed, wanted to go home with them. He eerily seemed almost human.

She tilted her head to the side and finally made up her mind. "Okay, Elysia, we can bring him home tonight. But!" She held up a pointed finger upwards to interrupt the girl's squeal of delight. "But, we must bring him back tomorrow. He is not our puppy, remember." She looked into the empty bookstore. "By the looks of it, the owner must've left some time ago and didn't have time to pick him up. I suppose they would appreciate it if we cared for him just for tonight."

With a giggle, Elysia lifted the puppy (with some difficulty because of her small size) and practically skipped down the sidewalk. Gracia, meanwhile, peeked into the store to see if anyone was around and, satisfied to know there wasn't, closed the door and quickly followed her daughter.

---

Edward had never felt so grateful in his life. Not only did the widow and the daughter of Maes Hughes, the dead military man he had looked up to when he was a few years younger, found him, but Gracia had ignored the whole "leave my dog alone" concept that many dog owners had and brought him to their cozy home. As soon as he was placed on the floor of the foyer, Elysia had rushed off to find some extra blankets and he and Gracia were left alone. Gracia finished storing her and Elysia's outerwear and proceeded to pick up Edward and pet him gently. He tensed a little. Just because he was a dog didn't mean he wanted to be treated like one.

"You're a wet little puppy aren't you?" she cooed. "Perhaps we should get you dried up. You must be hungry, too."

At the mention of food, Ed's ears perked forward and his attention was solely on the brown-haired woman, who let out a chuckle.

"You must be hungry, then. Well, let's get you dried and we'll feed you."

Within minutes, Gracia sat herself down on a wooden chair by the kitchen table with a dish towel in one hand, a brush in the other, and Edward balanced on her lap. He hadn't really been looking forward to this, but he was somewhat surprised to feel how gentle she was with him.

_Well, duh, Edward, _he thought, _Gracia's the nicest woman you know. Of course she wouldn't be rough, especially if you're some helpless puppy who's cold and wet and hungry._

His tense muscles loosened, and while she brushed his coat, his eyes closed in relaxation and he settled himself into a laying position. Perhaps it wouldn't be too bad to be a dog. So long as he was with Gracia, he wouldn't have to worry about much, and as soon as he figured out how to get his body back, he'll thank her and treat her nicely to a dinner to show his gratitude or something of the sort.

_But she said that she'll bring me back there tomorrow morning. If she does that then I'll be on my on again, and by the looks of it, no one would be coming back to get me._ He let out a whine at the thought. _Dammit, why did this have to happen to me…?_

"Mommy! I have the puppy's bed ready!" Elysia hopped into the kitchen, and her outburst made Edward jump onto all fours and nearly lose his balance. Gracia, though, must be used to this because she seemed unfazed. She held a hand up to Ed's side to keep him from falling over.

"That's nice, Sweetie, thank you. How about you go upstairs and get changed? After I feed the puppy, you can play with him. How does that sound?"

Elysia's smile, if possible, grew wider. "Okay, Mommy!" At that, she skipped off while humming some children's song that, if Edward recalled correctly, involved a spider and a water spout.

After the girl left, Gracia let Edward down and began to travel around the kitchen. "To tell the truth, I don't know what puppies eat," she said thoughtfully, opening a cabinet and pulling out a plastic bowl, "but my friend did say that she wants to avoid feeding her dog any dry dog food." She looked down at Edward. "So, I suppose I shouldn't try to run out and buy some, shouldn't I?" Ed felt very grateful as she pulled together some vegetables and what looked like some leftover chicken. Along with the bowl of his dinner, Gracia provided some water, and he practically wolfed down the food.

He shortly realized that a dog's mouth does not work like a human's, and whenever he tried to chew on his food, it would either fall back out into the bowl or he would almost choke on it. Finally he resulted in holding his head up in an awkward way to keep the veggies and chicken in his mouth while chomping with his mouth open. _Oh well, _he thought, _it's not like I had any table manners in the first place._

Indeed, after his dinner, Edward spent time playing with Elysia, who, to his dismay, continued to drag him around and pet him rather roughly, and he was so relieved that Gracia stopped her before she could dress him in her dolls' dresses that he wanted to jump up and give the woman a big lick on the cheek (which he knew was the dog's equivalent to a kiss). He was led upstairs to the girl's room (which hurt his eyes for a moment because of the bright pinks and purples and blues) and placed in the arranged pile of bed sheets and comforters that were lying next to Elysia's bed.

While Elysia was dragged off into the bathroom to get ready for bed, Edward made himself comfortable, and when he felt how soft his makeshift bed was, he collapsed onto his side and let out a relaxed sigh. He snuggled deeper into the blankets and thanked a nonexistent God that he could finally rest. The day had been very stressful, and after that dinner and spending time with Elysia (even if it hadn't been as enjoyable as he had liked), he was strangely content and happy about his situation. He definitely will pay the Hughes back when he turns back into his human body for their hospitality.

Unable to hold back the sleep any longer, his eyelids drooped and in moments drifted into a dreamless sleep.

---

"Mommy, do we have to bring him back tomorrow?"

Gracia pushed a strand of Elysia's hair behind her small ear. "Yes, Honey, we do. He isn't ours and his original owner might be worried about him."

Elysia continued to frown and looked down at the sleeping puppy on the floor. "Okay, Mommy…" She looked back up at her mother. "But will we be able to visit him?"

Gracia thought about this for a little. Finally, with a smile, she replied, "Maybe. Now, how about you go to bed? Tomorrow we have a busy day, and you don't want to be tired and weary do you?"

Shaking her head, Elysia smiled. "No, Mommy, I don't!"

"That's my girl." She pecked the little girl's forehead and pulled the blankets up to her chin. "Nighty-night, Sweetheart."

"Nighty-night, Mommy." Giving her daughter one last look, she shut off the lights and left the room.

Elysia stayed silent for a little, looking down at the silhouette of Edward on the floor. Making up her mind, she quietly crawled out of bed and lied down next to him, draping her arm over his small body. He let out a small groan, but otherwise didn't show any signs of waking up. Elysia snuggled against the puppy and, pulling one of the blankets over herself and Ed, finally let herself go to sleep.

* * *

**Of course I ended the story with something cute. If a story involves Elysia, it has to involve some cuteness, it's like an unwritten law.**

**Anyway, sorry for the delay. At this point, I do have a plotline in mind, but unfortunately there's a little gap between where I am now and where I would like to go, so bear with me. And, yes, I am working on my other two FMA fics, but like this one, I have plotlines for them but I'm having difficulty trying to get past the beginning. So, yeah. Please leave a review and tell me what you think. Your opinions will make me a better author. :D**


	3. Dogbrained Alchemists and Deceitful Cats

Colonel Roy Mustang chewed on his lower lip as he stared at the blond-haired teen sitting in front of his desk. The blond's sitting position was that of a dog, and his tongue was lolling out of his smiling mouth, panting. If this was Edward Elric, it obviously didn't seem like him.

"So, Alphonse," he said, examining the dog-like Edward and identifying every single one of his wounds that were bandaged, "You went to this bookstore to fetch your brother, only to find him…like this…" He raised an eyebrow as "Edward" twisted around as if to catch an imaginary tail.

"Yes, sir," Al replied, his helmet making a quiet clanking noise as he nodded. "I don't know what's wrong with him. I was hoping that he'd be better after taking him to a hospital, but after the doctors examined him yesterday, they said that he was fine. That…that man did something to him for some reason, and if only I had been there earlier…" Mustang could hear the regret in his voice and shook his head.

"No, Alphonse, it's not your fault," he said. "If anyone was to take responsibility, it would be Fullmetal himself. Obviously he did something to piss off the man and didn't know when to stop."

Alphonse let out a sigh. "I know that he always seems to get himself into trouble, but…" He shook his head. "I can't think of anything that he would do that would make him deserve this…"

They both jumped when Ed let out a loud bark and awkwardly hobbled around the desk on all four limbs. He sat his butt down and looked up at Mustang with wide, pleading eyes.

"Brother…" Al took a tentative step forward.

Mustang spun his chair so that he was facing Edward and leaned forward, resting his elbows onto his knees. "Fullmetal, if this is an act, stop it right now. It's not funny and you're only damaging your reputation."

Ed let out a small whine and lightly scratched Mustang's leg. The older man let out a sigh and shook his head. He placed his hand on the dog-boy's head, only to regret his action a split second later.

With an excited bark, Edward jumped on onto him, causing both figures and the chair to fall over backwards with a loud _crash_.

"Brother!" Alphonse ran behind the desk to pull him off the Colonel, but not before Ed had a chance to plant several sloppy licks on the horrified man's face. "Brother, stop it!"

Ed let out a whiney bark, but otherwise didn't struggle as he hung limp in Al's arms. Mustang, meanwhile, was practically scrubbing his face with the sleeve of his blue military uniform.

"Alphonse!" he demanded, standing up and putting his chair upright. "If you do not restrain your brother, I will do so myself!"

"I'm sorry, Colonel Mustang, sir!" Al spat out, tightening his hold on his deranged brother as he tried to wriggle free. "I don't know what's gotten into him! I'm so sorry!"

The Colonel let out an irritated sigh and sat down. "Well, until Fullmetal is sane once more, I suggest keeping him in your dorms for now to keep him - and anyone else - out of trouble. The last things I need are complaints sent to my desk with him as the source of the problems."

Alphonse hastily bowed. "Yes sir! I'm sorry!" At that, the suit of armor made his way out of the office, asking questions to the body in his arms that obviously wasn't listening.

After a few minutes of wiping his sleeve across his cheek, Mustang made his way out of his office and, ignoring the confused glances his subordinates were giving him, exited into the hallway and started his trek to the bathrooms. It was one thing to get tackled by Edward, but to be licked across the face like a dog made him feel disgusted, and something tells him that soap and water wouldn't make him feel any better.

---

With his snout pressed against the window of the shop door, Edward let out a groan. As promised, Gracia left him behind at the bookstore (despite his and Elysia's protests) and here he sat, staring at the gloomy midday streets as hoards of people walked by minding their businesses. Everytime someone stopped in front of the store windows to peek in, his tail would twitch with hope of being let out, but whenever that person left he would let out a frustrated moan and hang his head in defeat. No one would come for him and he would stay in that shop and die and rot. He flopped down on his side and let out a sigh in defeat. He was stuck in a stupid bookstore with no place to go and it was all because of his lack in controlling his mouth. "Why me…"

A quiet chuckle made him jump up and look around. At seeing no one he stood up and carefully made his way towards the bookshelves, where it was dark from the lack of windows.

"Who's there?" he asked cautiously, stopping suddenly when he thought he saw movement.

After a few moments of silence, a smooth, feminine voice replied, "Edward Elric…" The voice sounded amused and there was a hint of purring.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" Ed demanded, crouching into a defense position. Whoever was in the shop with him didn't sound friendly.

A wheezy giggle answered his question and a cat-like figure materialized out of the darkness, its bright blue eyes almost glowing in the dark.

"Well, would you look at this?" the cat mused, stepping out into the dim light the dreary weather had to offer. "A famous State Alchemist reduced to living the life of a dog. Quite fitting, isn't it?" From the cat's thin stature and triangular face, along with its - her he soon discovered - pale tan coat with grey ears, face, tail, and paws, Edward was able to identify the stranger as a Siamese cat, a breed that Al has a particular interest for.

Ed let out a warning growl. "Who are you and what do you want?"

Another giggle. "Demanding, aren't we? Well, what else can we expect from a dog of the military?" She began to circle him, her gait nimble as her eerie gaze examined him thoroughly. "I suppose there's no point in keeping myself a secret. You can just call me Esmeralda, and as you can probably tell, I live here with Jared."

The only movement Edward made was turning his head when this "Esmeralda" circled to his other side. "Jared? Who's Jared?"

Esmeralda stopped and perked her ears in interest. "Oh, he hasn't told you his name? Tsk, tsk." She shook her head. "Sometimes he could be so rude to his customers." She sat down in front of him and playfully tickled his nose with her tail. "He was the one who made you the way you are, Sweetcheeks." She let out yet again another giggle as Ed sniffed a few times then sneezed.

"You're saying that that crazy psychopath is your owner?" he asked after he got over his sneeze attack.

Esmeralda immediately froze and gave the puppy a furious glare and he couldn't help but feel a shiver go down his spine. "He is not my owner," she spat. "Only insignificant dogs such as you are low enough to be owned like an inanimate object. I see Jared as an equal. In fact, all felines are equal with humans while canines are ordered around like the obedient species they are. No cat would sink down low enough to admit that the humans they live with are their _masters_." She began to pace once more. "In fact, it's more like I _own_ him, that he is _mine_." She smiled, her obvious anger evaporating.

"I was so…_ecstatic_ when I found out that Drudwyn…that…_ugly_ excuse for a dog…was replaced by you because I knew then that Jared would stop giving that mutt kissy-faces, but when he was apprehended…" There was a hint of loathing in her tone, "I couldn't help but hate you. Of course I had hated you before because of the fact that you were part of the military and my Jared hated you, but now…" She stopped in front of Edward and raised a paw, her razor-sharp claws glinting in the dim light. "I would be overjoyed to tear your little dog body into pieces. This isn't my place to do so, though." The weapons retracted. "Jared wouldn't be too pleased to see that I stained his carpet when taking my revenge on a mutt. I don't want to dirty myself with your blood, either."

_Damn, this cat talks a lot_… Ed thought, unfazed by her threatening rant. "If you hate me so much, then what are you going to do then? Get your little cat buddies to beat me up instead?"

"Well…" Esmeralda had on a thoughtful expression. "In fact, I was just planning on showing you the way out of here."

Edward's jaw nearly slammed to the ground both because he was being led out causally and because there apparently had been an exit that wasn't the front door. "Wait, so you're just gonna let me out without beating me upside the head or anything? I thought you said you hated me."

"Don't be mistaken, I do." She playfully rubbed her head under his chin. "I just don't want your rotting carcass in here when Jared returns. It would be bad for business, you know." She began to walk into the darkness of the bookshelves.

"Hey!" Edward called, "Where are you going?"

"What do you think?" Esmeralda didn't bother to look back, but her tail waved behind her hind paws once or twice. "I said I was going to show you the exit, didn't I?"

Edward was unsure if he should follow her or not. He thought over the possible scenarios in his head, going as far as having his head ripped off and hung on the wall over some nonexistent fireplace, and decided that he should take his chances. Something in the cat's words tells him that she's telling the truth, but there's something suspicious about what she's suggesting…

After what seemed like a long time, his snout was sore from bumping into bookshelves, and even as his eyes got adjusted to the dark, it was still hard for him to distinguish shadows from the large looming objects. He could've sworn the store wasn't this big, but being less then an eighth of his original size, everything was ten times bigger than they originally were.

"Here is where you can get out." Esmeralda ducked into a narrow space between a bookshelf and the wall, and it was a tight squeeze for Edward since his body was wider and pudgier than the cat's lean structure. He found out that there was a hole in the wall and after wiggling in and through it, he found himself digging through a bunch of trash bags and out into an alleyway. The intense smell made him dizzy and nauseated for a while, but the joy of finally getting out of the damned store made him want to do flips.

"Now, now, Edward dear, you're not out yet," Esmeralda said, sensing his relief.

Edward cocked his head. "Why? It looks very well much like we're out of the damned building to me. Now if you excuse me, I've got a brother and a stray to body to find." Before he had a chance to go anywhere, though, the cat jumped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.

"Obviously you have not heard me," Esmeralda said in a low voice. Edward gulped at how sinister she sounded. "I said that you're not out yet." She turned around and continued down the alleyway, turning at a four-way and heading towards what looked like a cluster of buildings.

"But…isn't the main street out…" He sighed and followed her. _Might as well do so,_ he thought, _this place looks like a maze…but I still don't trust her…_

After a few minutes of twists and turns, Esmeralda stopped at a dead end, sitting on her haunches as if to signal that she wasn't going any farther. Edward huffed.

"This is a dead end. What, did you get us lost?" he remarked, shuffling his front paws in annoyance.

Esmeralda looked back and Edward shuddered at her evil expression. "No, this is precisely where I wanted to take you. I'm sure you'll have fun, Edward darling." Without another word, she abruptly jumped up onto a few stacked crates and on top of the brick wall, and before leaping down onto the other side she purred, "Go get him, boys," and left.

Edward knew that this wasn't good, and when he heard growls he was afraid to turn around, but did so anyway and instantly regretted it. Right there, blocking his exit to freedom, were three large dogs, baring their teeth and glaring at him with bloodshot eyes. It was obvious from the scars littered on their faces and bodies that they were fighting dogs, and one was even missing an eye.

_Oh, shit…_

* * *

**And there we go. Chapter three. Sorry for any mistakes, I was kind of hurrying to get this done before I forget what I wanted to post.**

**And thank you so much for the reviews, I appreciate them. :3 Please keep sending them in, I like to hear about what you people think.**


	4. Rocks, Papers, and Scissors

With a sigh, Al adjusted the brown paper bag in his arms and closed the store door behind him. After leaving his brother behind at their temporary dorms, the younger brother decided that it would be best if he went out to buy lunch instead of trying to get the "crazy" blond boy dragged to a restaurant only to make a complete fool of himself. Al knew that if Edward were to come back to his senses and found out that he ripped the underwear off of some poor waiter, he might bash his head into a wall out of embarrassment. Either that, or lock himself in some room and rant to himself about pretty much everything with the Colonel's name thrown into the tangent every few sentences.

"Oh, Alphonse!" Al started when he was pulled out of his thoughts and looked around, recognizing that it was Gracia who greeted him.

"Hello, Gracia." He bowed his head slightly to the brown-haired woman. "It's good to see you again."

Gracia smiled. "It's good to see you too, Alphonse." She looked around. "Where's your brother? It's rare for you two to be apart. Is he locked in the library researching?" There was a small chuckle at the end of her question.

Al shook his head. "No, Brother's back at the military dorms. He's…not himself right now."

"Is Edward sick?" He looked down and spotted little Elysia clinging onto her mother's skirt.

"Hello, Elysia! Yes, he is…quite sick." He placed a hand behind his helmet and he sounded hesitant with his answer.

Gracia, meanwhile, frowned. "Oh, that's not good. Was he pushing himself too hard again? I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I were to stop by quickly just to check up on him."

Al jumped. "Oh! No, no, that's not necessary! Ed's just fine. You don't have to visit him."

Gracia looked downcast. "Oh, okay. Well, I hope he'll be okay. I suggest, though, that he shouldn't be kept in his room all the time. He should be let out once in a while for fresh air. It will be good for his body."

"Thank you, Gracia." Al nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. I have to go back and check up on him now--"

"Isn't that Edward over there?" Elysia pointed a finger to a small outdoor café across the street, and when Alphonse looked at that direction he nearly fell over.

Indeed, Edward was at that café, but he wasn't ordering a coffee or snacking on a pastry. In fact, he was scaring the crap out of some poor young couple by barking and pulling at their clothes as if trying to get their attention. He had their attention, all right, as well as everybody else within the vicinity.

"Edward, no, what are you doing?!" Al exclaimed. He quickly bowed to the two females before running across the street and pushing through the growing crowd to desperately get to his brother. He ignored any protests from the passersby and quickly grabbed the dog-boy into a bear hug to prevent him from escaping.

"I am so sorry!" he apologized, bowing hastily to the couple as he backed away from the eating area. "Please excuse my brother's behavior, he hasn't been feeling well lately!"

"Well, then there must be something definitely wrong with him!" the man spat as he held his trembling lover close to him. "He tried to knock my wife off her chair!"

One of the bystanders pointed at Alphonse, or at least the "Edward" in his arms. "Hey!" he cried, "Isn't that the Fullmetal Alchemist?"

Al jumped in shock and horror as the crowd burst into questions, most of them directed at him. "Um, um, no! He isn't!" he replied. "He's just…a huge fan of him and he likes to dress up as him!" At that, in order to avoid the crowd's growing questions and suspicions, he burst into a run, careful to not throw Ed around too roughly.

It took a while, but after walking a few blocks, he made it away from the curious and disturbed stares of the bystanders (some had the nerve to follow him) and with a relieved sigh, Al set his brother's body down. To his dismay, the teen didn't stand upright, but instead slumped into a sitting position with his legs tucked under him and most of his weight resting on his palms flat on the ground in between his knees.

"Edward…" Al sighed, his voice attracting the attention of the dog boy.

"Um, excuse me, Alphonse?" The suit of armor jumped at the hesitant voice, and when turned around he saw Gracia approaching him with Elysia clamped onto her arm. He was surprised to see that the mother and daughter had caught up with him so quickly since he had been walking rather fast.

"Oh, Gracia! You followed us here?" He put an arm behind his head. "Um, about what happened back there with Brother…"

Gracia frowned and shook her head. "Alphonse, what happened to Edward? Why was he acting the way he was?"

"Yeah!" Elysia piped up. "If he wanted play make-believe, he shouldn't do it in public. He looked really stupid." She would've continued, but her mother gave her a warning glance and put a finger up to her lips.

"Uh…Brother…he…" Alphonse sighed when he saw the woman's determined face. "Can we talk about this in someplace more…private? I mean, it's bad enough that people are staring…" He voice dropped as he glanced at the few people scattered around the street.

Gracia nodded. "Of course. My house is only about two blocks from here. It'll only be a few minute's walk."

---

"…So for a while, I decided that he was off on his own long enough and he still had stuff to do, so when I went to get him, he was like this." Alphonse looked down at Edward and Elysia as the two rolled around on the floor and barked at each other. Elysia wasn't listening to the conversation, so she thought that he was just playing.

Gracia nodded in understanding. "I see." She took a moment to take a sip out of a tea cup cradled in her hands before continuing. "And you don't know what happened?"

Al's helmet shook back and forth. "No, I don't. All I remember is Brother falling out of some doorway all beat up and…not himself."

With a worried sigh, Gracia leaned forward and rested a hand on Edward's cheek, her thumb brushing lightly against one of his bandaged wounds. "You poor boy," she almost whispered. She smiled sadly as the boy relaxed to her touch and nuzzled into her hand. "Where did this happen again?"

"At a bookstore. You know that new one that opened not too long ago down by Main Street?"

Gracia gasped lightly and pulled her hand back, making Edward whine and nudge her leg with his nose. "Oh! I might know where you're talking about! Was there a little puppy there?"

Alphonse jumped. "Yes there was! Oh, shoot, I forgot about that puppy! I was going to come back and get him, but I was so busy with Brother…"

"We took the puppy in last night!" The two looked at Elysia, who was standing and patting Ed's head. "We had to put him back, though, because Mommy said that he wasn't ours." Al's head shot up and his red eyes locked with Gracia's dull green ones. "He might still be there, then," he said as he began to stand up, only to be ushered back down by Gracia.

"Don't worry, Alphonse, we checked the store before we met up with you." She could tell that he was confused. "The puppy wasn't there, so his owner must have returned to get him."

"But…that makes no sense…" Al shook his head. "The owner of the shop was arrested, and we would've known if he was ever released…"

"Then perhaps a relative or a friend came by," Gracia reassured, covering up her own growing uneasiness. "Don't worry, Alphonse. I'm sure he's okay."

Al was silent for a while before replying. "Yeah, you're right." He went into a thoughtful pause. "What was that dog's name again? I know that that shop owner said it a few times…Dr…Drew…no, that's not right…neither is David…Dr…Dru…" His eyes lit up. "Drudwyn! That's his name, Drudwyn."

They all started when Edward jumped around and barked excitedly. Finishing off his spasm with a whine, he propped himself up onto his knees and leaned against the couch that Alphonse and Gracia were resting on.

"Brother, what's wrong?" Al leaned forward. "Brother?"

Any and all enthusiasm Edward expressed had faded and he let out a whiney bark. Gracia frowned and placed a hand on his head.

"Edward…" She shook her head. "What happened to you?" Ed let out a breath and rested his head on her knees, his dim golden-brown eyes wide and staring up at her.

"Alphonse, since when were Edward's eyes brown?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Al leaned over so he was looking at his brother. He cocked his head to the side as he observed him. "They were always gold-colored…" He sighed in defeat." I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with what that storekeeper did to him…"

The room went quiet, and Elysia took the opportunity to climb up onto the couch and snuggle against her mother while watching Edward with curiosity.

"Is there something wrong with Edward?" she asked as Ed began to crawl up onto couch with them. "Has he gone crazy?"

Silence. As if noticing the uneasiness, Edward let out a hesitant whine as he curled up beside the armor and laid his head onto his lap.

"Brother…" A gauntlet gently rested on Ed's shoulder, the thumb slowly massaging a spot on the red cloth. Al could tell that his brother was upset and in despair. What he didn't know, though, was that the reason why his brother was upset was not only because his real name was unknown to them, but also because he missed him. He missed his master.

---

The lunch hour had ended a good two hours ago, and Roy Mustang's subordinates were quite well aware of it. Four sets of hungry stomachs crowded around one of the small desks in the corner of the suboffice and away from the double doors leading to their superior's main office. It wouldn't be a very good situation if the Colonel, who was being forced to work under the watchful eye of his Lieutenant, were to hear whim of their plans to sneak off for something to munch on that wasn't cafeteria food.

"So…" Havoc said, his cigarette wiggling in his mouth. His fingers dug into his mop of blond hair to scratch at his scalp. "How about that sandwich shop down the street? I heard that they had some pretty damn good hoagies."

There was some quiet mumbling between the others before little Fuery piped up, "I heard some bad things about that place. I don't trust it. How about that one place at the corner of 23rd and Cherry? I'm in the mood for something spicy."

Havoc shook his head. "Nah, too far. We don't want to have to cross Central to get lunch. If Hawkeye finds us missing, we're screwed. Remember, we have these to worry about." He picked up a thick manila folder and waved it around.

They let out a chorused sigh, which was accompanied with a few stomach growls.

"How about…" All attention was diverted to Breda. "How about just one of us goes out to get lunch and the rest stay here? I'm sure then we can make up an excuse when Hawkeye's done with the Colonel and she comes out here to find that one of us has gone missing."

"Yeah, yeah, that's good, that's good." Falman nodded and scratched his chin in thought. "The question is, though, who?"

The room was silent once more, then in unison everyone raised a hand and said, "I will." They looked at each other and sighed as their arms fell at their sides.

"If everyone wants to go, then how about we have some sort of game to decide who goes?" Fuery suggested, adjusting his glasses. "The winner could then go and get lunch." The rest nodded in agreement and the Sergeant smiled.

"Alright, then." Havoc held his almost-depleted cigarette between his middle and forefinger as he sighed out a puff of smoke. "What should we do then?"

Breda held up a finger. "How about a poker or Black Jack tournament?"

"Nah, too long. I'd like to eat before the end of the day." Havoc glanced up at the clock. It was almost three in the afternoon.

"Um…" Fuery scratched his head. "How about "Eeny Meeny Miney Mo" or pick a number?"

Havoc shook his head. "No, they're both rigged. How about…the one who's tallest?"

Fuery frowned. "Not fair…"

A few more suggestions were thrown around, one of which included guessing on what the Colonel and Lieutenant would do if someone pounded on their door.

Havoc listened to the ideas, his eyes shifting from one subordinate to the other, and as soon as he heard one that piqued his interest, he raised a hand to silent them and pointed at Falman. "You. Repeat what you said."

Falman raised an eyebrow. "Um…rock paper scissors?"

"Yes!" Everyone jumped at the blond's exclamation, his cigarette nearly falling out of his mouth. "Rock paper scissors. Brilliant idea. Simple and quick, I like."

Everyone else smiled. "So, how's it gonna go?" Breda asked. "First one out gets to go, or…"

"No." Havoc rested his arms on his and Fuery's shoulders. "We keep playing till only one person is left, and that first person goes and gets lunch! Great, huh?" He pulled his arms back and held out a fisted hand, the other three following suit.

In unison, they bobbed their fists and muttered, "Rock, papers, scissors…"

"What's going on here?"

The four jumped in surprise and spun around, bolting into a straight upright position when they saw that it was none other than Roy Mustang. "Sir!"

Fuery slouched a little and gave his superior a sheepish grin. "Uh, Sir? How much of that have I heard?" He scooted aside when Mustang approached him and heaved himself up onto the corner of the desk.

"Long enough to know that you're trying to get your asses out of here without bothering to invite me." He leaned forward and held out a fist. "You know, I can play a mean round of rock paper scissors."

The other four looked around warily and, seeing that Hawkeye was still in Mustang's office keeping herself preoccupied on the phone, they gathered around into a circle and held out their fists.

Mustang was disappointed to see that he was the first one out.


End file.
